Saturday, April 26, 2008

Beautiful

I keep hearing this song on the radio and everytime I hear it, I find tears coming to my eyes. This is the story of my life - especially over the last 5 years. It stinks to never feel good enough. It stinks to not be wanted. It stinks to try and try and try and still not be worthy. It stinks to not fit into the "right" social circles. It stinks to be overlooked and flat out told that you aren't good enough. It stinks to think that you have finally made it, only to find out that you haven't and you were just being used.

This isn't a cry for help or a "feel sorry for me" post. This isn't me fishing for compliments or even apologies. This is me being honest and knowing that if I feel this way, there have got to be other women like me out there who have gone through the same feelings.

Of course, as the song says, God thinks we are good enough - good enough to die for, in fact. And thankfully, He puts people in our lives to remind us of this truth. For me, those people have been my husband, my family, my amazing in-laws, and a few close friends. Even though my bosses, my "friends," my co-workers, and society have tried to tell me otherwise, I fight through their lies to come out on the other side believing that I am "worthy of love and beautiful."

Beautiful by Bethany Dillon

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

3 comments:

THE Christy Music :) said...

I couldn't agree more. Moving around with the military makes life extremely difficult at times. Making new friends every few years can be tough when everyone else is established and has their group of friends. I'm still looking for my niche here and it's been almost a year. I've got a few good ones, but unfortunately, one of those is moving in a few months :( (The life of a military wife!) But I totally agree! You rock though and one day, I'll get down there. We're actually going to the GA Aquarium this coming Saturday, driving in Friday night, but just a quick trip with the girls, Eric, my brother and I before Eric deploys. Chin up! Just show them the caterpillar:)

Heather Orr said...

I love you, Christy :)

Mel's World said...

Heather,

You know that I can totally relate to the words in your post. It's so sad to see that we have let so many others tell us that we are not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty, skinny, trendy, (_____ fill in the blank) enough.

God says we are fearfully andwonderfully made...so why then is it so hard to believe?

You are a great chick with a huge heart and I am so thrilled to see that there is healing, health, and prosperity for you in GA.

And like Christy says...just show them the caterpillar...you are already a beautiful butterfly!!!