Tornado

Ever since we have moved back to Florida, I have found that I am dealing with many of the same emotions I was experiencing right before we left. There was a lot of hurt that took place here and now that we are back, so is the hurt. It seems to be lurking in the most unusual places! I have talked to trusted friends for godly counsel, prayed just about every minute, and tried everything I know to keep forgiving and not let my heart become hard and bitter. It is not easy, but day by day it seems to be getting better. Yes, being 800 miles away from the places and people made it a lot easier to let go of that pain and move on with life, but now that we are back, I find that I am being sucked back into the past and it is a place that I definitely do NOT want to return!! I feel like I have moved on, but it seems like there is a force that is trying to bring me back down and I am determined to fight it!!

I know that I have written about this before, but I think that it is a lesson that you have to keep learning as you go through life. It is never easy to forgive, and there are a lot of misconceptions about what it means. For a while, I thought that I needed to mend all of my broken relationships and forget every hurt and offense, but I quickly realized that sometimes pain can be a warning - once you have been burned by a hot iron, you learn to be extra careful and do everything you can to keep from touching it again - and in the same way, when you have been hurt over and over and over again by the same people, I think it is wise to guard your heart and move on - remember the good times and continue to pray for them, but then move on! Most of all, I try to remember how much God has forgiven (and continues to forgive) me and I ask Him to use all of this pain and hurt to teach me how to live my life for Him and for Him to use it to change me and to make me into the person He has created me to be. Part of my journey of forgiveness is forgetting the lies and holding on to His truth - and the pain is not nearly as strong as His love and truth!!

When we moved to Georgia, I would play this song over and over again to remind myself of how destructive it is to hold on to offenses and to allow bitterness to rule in your life. I find myself playing it a lot more these days...I hope it encourages you to fight against the destruction that unforgiveness can unleash in your life.

Tornado by Sara Groves

You live your life like a tornado
Destruction follows everywhere you go
And you have no plans to stop or slow

I will not let this bitter root grow in me
I will not let you leave that legacy
But it gets so hard when pain is all I see

And every time I find healing, you're making a new mess
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness...

And I tried to remove myself from your path
But I keep waking up in the aftermath
So I pick up again and say I won't look back

I will not let that bitter root grow in me
And I will not let you leave that legacy
But this constant fight is breaking me

And every time I find healing, you're making a new mess
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness...

And it hurts when you hit at the hearts of the ones I love
When everything you touch is rubble and dust
And it gets so hard to know how to trust...

But I will not let that bitter root grow
I will not let it, no no
But it gets so hard oh...

And every time I find healing, you're making a new mess
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness
And I could move and never send you a forwarding address
Or I could learn the real meaning of forgiveness...