I have spent the past 36 hours lying in bed in the fetal position. No, I have not finally gone insane - I have been dealing with another IBS attack. My stomach started hurting earlier in the week with John's announcement and quickly progessed into a full blown attack with the planning of the move (8 days until we leave), wrapping things up at my job, crying hysterically for 2 days (too long to even try to begin to explain), and finally surrendering to the plans that God has for us. It literally felt like Freddie Krueger was trying to claw his way out of my insides - I have never felt pain like that before and I am not looking forward to feeling that way again any time soon. Thankfully, I was able to stay in bed all day yesterday and all night last night. After sleeping a lot and taking a really good pain pill, I feel much better today, physically. Mentally, however, I am trying to pace myself to only think about what I have to do today and not what needs to be done over the next 2 weeks. I want everything done now and I have to remind myself that I only have one week left to spend with my friends and family here. I need to make sure that I use my time wisely and don't waste it watching the Olympics or Gilmore Girls re-runs in an effort to put off the inevitable. We are moving back to Florida. Even as I type that, it still hasn't sunken in. Yes, there are a lot of positive things about going back, but it's the "going back" part that has my head spinning. I am a "moving forward" person - hence the name of my blog - and going backwards seems equal to giving up, losing, failing, and missing it somehow. I know that there is a reason for this and I know that God is going to blow our minds with what He has waiting for us in Florida - but in the meantime, I am confused, frustrated, disappointed, and somehow clinging to the truth that this life is not all that there is and that He knows what He is doing.
Please pray for my health to stay extra-strong over the next 2-3 weeks. Please pray for John and I to keep our eyes on Jesus and not on our circumstances. And lastly, please pray for us to learn the lessons we need to learn from this - I would hate to go through all of this only to come out of it exactly the same.
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4 comments:
I'm sorry you were sick, but I'm glad you feel better. More than anything, I respect and admire your faith in all of this. You're not going back, you're moving forward with God's plan for your life. He has always known you would live in Georgia for a year and then live in Florida for x number of years. In His eyes, your faith moves you forward. Keep holding on, I'm praying for you. love ya!
Poor baby, the stress is too much to endure.
Be careful about your choice of words! You said, "God is going to BLOW our minds with what He has waiting for us in Florida." We have FAY coming here tomorrow!
Seriously, I'll pray for you.
Karen - I just love you! And I did get your voice mail and WILL call you soon!!
Sally - you all are in my thoughts and prayers with that storm heading your way! Thanks for your humor and your prayers :)
I'm so sorry that you have to go through all this again, but your strength and endurance and focus on God has always been inspiring. God does have a plan for you, He always has! Call me if you need help with anything, or if you just want to grab coffee or play scrabble! Love you lots!
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